That was posted in the women’s bathroom at work. I read it several times to figure out its meaning. It was up for over a week, and I drink a lot of water, so I had numerous opportunities to dig deep into what it was really saying.
Initially I interpreted it to mean “I found $2, if it’s yours, call me and I will return it.” Makes sense. There’s contact information and who would hold $2 ransom? However, how would the “Finder” (we’re going to refer to the creator of this poster as the “Finder” since she found the $2) be 100% certain that this $2, does, in fact, belong to the “Claimer” (and we’ll call whoever calls the “Finder” to claim the $2 the “Claimer”)? Hmmm. Good point, Sherlock.
So, I thought back to my elementary school days. Whenever the teacher found something of value (mechanical pencil, protractor, trapper keeper), she would announce, to the class, what she found, THEN, whoever THOUGHT it was theirs, would have to describe some special feature or marking on the found good in order to claim. Maybe, the “Finder” in “The Case of the Found $2.00” used the same technique. Maybe, no one was able to successfully describe the $2?!
Claimer: I lost $2 in the ladies bathroom on the 3rd floor and I saw your sign.
Finder: Great! I just need to make sure you’re the rightful owner. Can you tell me something specific about the found $2?
Claimer: Ummm…it’s $2…?
Finder: Yes, I know. That’s what my poster said. But, I need to make sure you’re the rightful owner.
Claimer: It was TWO DOLLARS! TWO DOLLARS!!
Finder: Can you tell me something specific though? Quarters? Dimes? Bills? Maybe a crease in the corner? A mustache on George Washington? Anything, so I am sure, it is, in fact, YOUR $2.
Claimer: It’s MY F*#!IN TWO DOLLARS!!
Finder: There’s no need to get hostile. I’m just trying to ensure the right person receives their…hello? Hello??
By pee break #7 of “The Case of the Found $2.00,” I started thinking, maybe the Finder is bragging about the $2. Maybe, she has no intention of ever returning it. The sign just states “I HAVE IT,” not “Please Contact Me to Claim.” Was the Finder truly bragging about this hostage situation? Was she planning on posting a follow-up ransom note?
I’m not one to make assumptions or false accusations, so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I wanted to truly understand the intentions of the Finder, so I posted this: Shortly thereafter, the original $2 poster was removed. I’m assuming the rightful “Claimer” received their missing money. Case closed.
Seriously though, this is the type of nonsense I see at my job on a regular basis. I’m not sure if this chick was trying to get the good samaritan of the year award or what. It’s $2, man! Just chock it up to your lucky day, and go buy some pretzels from the vending machine.
What amount of money do you have to lose before you begin looking for it? What amount of money do you have to find before you start hanging “Missing” posters and inquiring about rightful owners? My answer is $10 and $1M, respectively.