Road Rage, Moisture, and Williams

“Drive your f*ckin’ car!!”

More times than not, these are my first words of the day. Living by myself, there’s no one to talk to. And since my mother is holding Sir Jinx (my cat), there’s no pet to scold.

Traffic this morning was ridiculous. Even more ridiculous than usual. Why? Because, for some unknown reason, driving in the rain is as scary as getting butt f*cked by a dolphin. I don’t know what about water scares the living shit out of people, forcing them to sit on their brake, at any given moment.

I started my morning commute like this.

See how pleasant I look? The glimmer of hope, happiness, and a grande skinny vanilla latte with soy from Starbucks in my eyes? That’s me telling myself “You’re getting closer to your dreams! This is all just part of the journey! This shitty job, this shitty traffic, this shitty day…all just part of the journey! You’re living the dream!” Can you see the glimmer?!

Then I saw this.

Okay, no worries. I knew there would be traffic. There’s always traffic. But that’s fine. It would be finer if people knew how to drive and there weren’t so many of them. I swear to goodness there’s too many people in the world. Why do folks continue to have kids? And if I see one more poor couple on TV talking about being pregnant and broke, I’m going to lose it. Stop f*ckin having kids! Babies aren’t made by accident!! If you can’t afford birth control pills, condoms, or some other form of contraception, you cant afford a child!! F*uckin ain’t free and a child ain’t a blessing – it’s a BILL!! That’s why there are so many Williams running around! F*ckin Bills!! If you stopped having kids, you wouldn’t be broke AND I wouldn’t have to sit in this silly ass traffic on my way to my shitty ass job. I swear to goodness, if this car in front of me doesn’t move the f*ck up and stop letting THE WORLD in front of them, I’m going to scream…

“Drive your f*ckin’ car!!”


This post really didn’t have a point. At 2:44pm, I’m still thinking about the ONE HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES wasted in my car, driving to a shitty job, because folks can’t drive in moisture.

Please spay and neuter your pets, and use a condom. Keep the traffic light.



One thought on “Road Rage, Moisture, and Williams

  1. i had a similar moment, but it entailed the bus, and getting rained on waiting on another….but everything else was the same! wtf with the metro traffic in the rain!

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