Christianity and Pyramid Schemes

Someone posted this on Facebook, with the caption “If you’re a Christian…”:
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This has got to be the dumbest shit I’ve seen. I mean, what was Lucifer aka Satan aka The Devil aka My Boss doing BEFORE Facebook? Better yet, before any type of shorthand, texting lingo?

Do Christians really think this is good propaganda? That they’re starting the movement against shorthand? That folks will stop typing ‘LOL’ because they’re summoning Lucifer? Next thing you know, folks will tell me the Candyman will show up if I say his name 3 times. [BTW – I just did, nothing happened. LOL!]

Maybe I have more Christian friends than Muslim or Jewish or Hindu, but Christians are the only folks I see soliciting others to join, like they’re selling Pre-Paid Legal (aka Legal Shield). I’m starting to wonder if churches work like pyramid schemes, where you make money by bringing folks in under you. Maybe they think they get more blessings? Maybe there’s an annual awards ceremony where the Christian who was able to recruit the most sinners gets The Golden Bible. All I know is, I’m going to scream if one more person posts shit like this on my page or invites me to their church.

If there’s a religion requiring me to stop texting LOL to prove my love for God and show my disapproval of The Devil, count me out. Matter of fact, count me out for any religion requiring me to follow any type of diet, give up randomness for a specific period of time, or wear funny apparel. If the God I’m worshipping needs me to be miserable and unstylish to prove my adoration, I guess I’ll be LOLing a lot more.

Now how do I sign up for that religion that worships the hot chick with many arms? That bitch is dope!
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7 thoughts on “Christianity and Pyramid Schemes

  1. Very insightful, humorous, offensive and I fucking love it. Christianity more than other religions, think they have the monopoly on the path to heaven. I am Muslim and I don’t eat pork but I wasn’t to fond of it anyway so Islam is perfect for me. Religious folk that are too imposing always seem suspect to me like its a Ponzi scheme….. Remember Jesus was a poor Jewish kid raise by a single mom and a stepdad. Correlated in modern times he’d probably be living in projects and on foodstamps. I could go on for days. Great Blog!!!!

    • I was raised Catholic which was annoying. I always had questions and not enough answers. I was told to have blind faith. I just can’t believe a God would create me, the way I am, to have blind faith. Not sure what “religion” I truly fit in, but I try to live a lifestyle of being kind to myself and others. Amen.

      • I share the same belief. I’m not growing some long ass beard I am American and American women don’t dig a scruffy ass man.

  2. I’ve always enjoyed your company, and your just as funny as I remember. I, as well feel as you do when “religion” comes to mind…so, I too have adopted the “Pay-it-Forward” outlook & yes, it stemmed from the movie…and yes, I cried…and yes, I’ve a thing for Helen Hunt. Yes, she’s a bag of bones of a woman but Mad About You was undeniable Lo…sorry, LLS Sue me LOL

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