Day 1 of what, you may be wondering? Day 1 of the rest of my life. Day 1 of no longer being employed as an engineer. Day 1 of overcoming resistance. Day 1 of keeping promises to myself. Day 1 of my training in Self Mastery.
“What you talkin’ bout, Willis?!”
I can’t decide whether this blog is going to be about my journey through life or funny observations. I’ve been told by “industry” that since I’m a comedian, my website should be funny. But, the artist in me really just wants to write about what’s relevant in life. What’s relevant in my life is last Friday, April 26, 2013, marked the end of my engineering career. I fired my boss. After years of college, internships, and shitty jobs, I quit. I quit for various reasons, the noteworthy ones being seeking happiness in my life and allowing for more time to dedicate to my Comedy Career (yes, I capitalized it on purpose because I associate capitalized words as important).
I am scared as shit.
Well, I’m not sure how scared shit is, nor am I sure where that saying came from. What I am sure of is:
- Knowing I made the best decision leaving that job
- I will be real broke real soon if I don’t get over my fears and go for “It”
- I am not quite sure what “It” is
What is “It?”
Every time I tell the Universe what I want to do, who I want to be when I grow up, the Universe does something to make me realize it’s impossible to plan who I am going to become, rather, I must just…become. I know. That sounds so artsy-fartsy, and I think it was a run-on sentence. But, it’s the best way I can explain it. If you had asked me when I was 17 what my life would look like right now, I woulda told you some nonsense about having 2 kids, a husband, being an officer in the United States Air Force, being fluent in German, and stationed in Germany. Umm…yeah…I’m way on track.
I am not sure if I ever will know what “it” is. What scares me is every self-help, motivational mumbo-jumbo, podcast I listen to/book I read/article I peruse says you MUST, MUST, MUST know EXACTLY what you want in order to get it. Uhhh…does anyone TRULY, I mean TRULY know what they want? I mean, other than in general, money, cash, hoes (this seems to be the wishlist for every rapper these days…”2CHAINZ” – said in my 2CHAINZ voice), do we really know what we want?!
The problem with answering “yes” is we don’t TRULY know we want it, because we don’t have it. We’re SPECULATING we want it. For example, a few years back I REALLY wanted an engineering job. And I got it. I got the job I WANTED so badly. The job I spent hours working on a resume to submit for. The job I put on my good suit and interviewed for. The job I called all my girls and went out for drinks to celebrate my offer. And I just quit that job. I have never hated a job as much as I hated that job. So…did I really want that job? I guess…at the moment…or maybe not. Maybe I convinced myself I wanted that job because that’s what the world (parents, friends, society, etc) said I SHOULD want. It was a “good” job. Benefits. Pay. Security. Respectable profession. It was, and is, a good job…for someone else.
I don’t know what “It” is, but I plan on spending my entire life living “It.”
No Advice is the BEST Advice
Saturday I cancelled my massage appointment, paid the cancellation fee (which is the cost of the massage, $55 to be exact), and spent several hours and calories with a 21 year, veteran comic. Best $55, 3 hours, and 527 calories spent!
I made the conscious decision NOT to ask him for advice. This is counter to everything I have done in the past when I’ve spend time conversing with established folks. Why did I not ask? Because I FINALLY realize no one’s journey was, is, or ever will be the same as mine. Sure, there may be some similarities; the desire to become a famous, headlining comedian, make more money than Scrooge McDuck, and marry an ethnically ambiguous woman (I’m not gay, that was a joke…and I don’t have a problem with gay folks in the event someone choices to blow that comment out of proportion), but ultimately, there are more differences than similarities.
I am enteringI have entered unchartered territory. I am sailing without a map, a compass, nor a GPS. I am relying on instinct, or Omens (for those who have read The Alchemist). IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY.
The Purpose of this Post
I’m not sure if there is one. Yes there is. The purpose is I promised Myself (the most important person in My World – incase you couldn’t tell by my capitalization of “myself”) I would update my blog every weekday for the next 30 days. I could not possibly let myself down on Day 1. By writing this post, I have overcome myself. My goal is to master myself. Self Mastery. This post was a small victory toward my lifelong mission.
However, since I am a comedian, I feel obligated to post something “funny” or “entertaining.” Here’s the video I made right before walking into work for the last day. Enjoy.