You ever feel like everything is out of whack? Like nothing is going right? You haven’t planned for anything…things just happen? And when I say “happen,” I don’t mean in a “gone with the wind” type of way…but rather like “screw this, it is what it is!”? Yep, that’s where I’m at right now. My first tell tale sign my life is not flowing the way it should is when my eating is out of order. I start craving foolishness, and eat a ton of crap. I don’t feel like, therefore I don’t track what’s going in my mouth (probably because I know what’s going in my mouth is nothing good for my body). And to answer the obvious question, yes, I write down everything I eat. Refer back to any of my posts on being fat.
The good news: I know why I’m all over the place. I’m realizing the hardest part of being an entrepreneur is knowing what to do on a day to day basis. Where should I exert my effort? Should I blog? Should I write jokes? Should I contact club bookers? Should I try to create another blog for profit? How do I do that? How do I get booked when club owners aren’t calling me back? How should I spent the majority of my time? The majority of my time is not spent performing my craft. The majority of my time is spent setting up the opportunity to perform my craft – and that sucks. No really, it does. I am a comedian because I want to be on stage. No one says “hey! I feel like harassing folks to book me and updating my calendar and sending out tons of emails and making a gazillion calls to people who are more than likely NOT going to return my emails or my calls! I’m going to be a comedian!” No one says that. And, if they do, maybe I need to have them be my agent or manager.
Right now, I am struggling with the “Business” of “Show Business.” Before I continue, let me put this disclaimer out there: As I write this post, I realize it probably should be a journal entry. However, one thing I LOVE about me and my comedy is the transparency. Therefore, I’ve decided to keep this public.
I am struggling because I don’t want to mess up. My fear of “messing up” is paralyzing me from taking action. I know this. Crazy that I KNOW THIS, yet, I still feel stuck.
I’m really trying to get in the mindset of separating Ayanna Dookie the Comedian/Artist and Ayanna Dookie the Business Owner. Ayanna Dookie the Business Owner does not have an ego (rather, she does not let it get out of hand). Her feelings are not going to be hurt by the word “no.”
I had an epiphany today while unsubscribing from a ton of email lists for clothing and food stores I used to regularly frequent. As I hit unsubscribe, I never once thought anything negative of the store. I just realized, at this point in my life, I do not need what they are selling, therefore, I would prefer to not have something that’s not beneficial to me clutter my inbox. Nothing to do with the merchant! I didn’t think their product was crap! I just didn’t need it. And that’s the same thing with comedy. Folks may not like what I’m selling. It might not fit their needs or wants at the moment, or ever. And that’s okay. It does not make me a shitty product. Sigh. Okay. That felt good to write.
So what now? Now that I am thinking like the Business Owner as opposed to the Artist, what now?
Well, I just realized I have not set clear goals. I have dreams. But not goals. Why do I have dreams and not goals? Because I’ve been thinking like The Artist. I spent the past few years/months/weeks/days romanticizing how amazing it would feel to no longer be an engineer, to be off on my own, to be a COMEDIAN. How glamorous. How Hollywood. How unrealistic. I swear, when they do my E! True Hollywood Story, I really want them to spend 45 out of the 60 minutes showing the REAL struggle…and I just realized by typing that, I am still thinking like The Artist. The Business Owner isn’t focused on The Dream. The Business Owner sets Goals. Clear, concrete, measurable, obtainable GOALS. The Business Owner is focused on the Work. Performing the WORK to get to the GOAL… not on the glamorization of THE WORK.
What is a Goal?
1)The aim or object towards which an endeavor is directed. 2)The terminal point of a race or journey.
What is a Dream?
1)A condition or achievement that is longed for; an aspiration. 2)A wild fancy or hope.
Goal vs. Dream
So…a dream is something I desire, while a goal is something I am endeavoring toward. Interesting. I mean…I knew that…but did I? A dream happens involuntary while a goal is something purposeful. My dream and my goal can be one in the same, if, and only if work is put in and directed toward the dream. A plan creates the map or steps necessary for the goal to reach the dream. The work carries the goal to the dream. If I have a solid plan (map), and put in the work (ensure my car is well maintained), I will be able to marry my Goal and my Dream. The harder I WORK intentionally toward my GOAL, the smaller the gap between my DREAM and my GOAL. Each day I put in work toward accomplishing my GOAL, I minimize the distance between my GOAL and my DREAM.
I had to write it in as many ways as possible to begin visualizing. In doing that, this is how it looks in my head:
I see WORK as the vehicle that brings my GOAL to reach my DREAM.
That’s all I have for this post. I need to sit and write some clear cut goals so I can get in my WORK CAR to reach my DREAM. Time to put on my Business Owner cap.