A 39 year old man text me “cum make me” in response to me telling him to shut up. Conversation ended. Prior to this, he offered to “be a friend” and have sex with me since the guy I’m seeing was on the other side of the country, working. How considerate. In addition to declining his offer, I pointed out:
- I don’t have sex with “friends.”
- I don’t want to have sex with him specifically (this should’ve been #1)
- What kind of fuckshit was he talking?!
I get so annoyed by the constant dick offering. On numerous occasions, I clearly spelled out to this guy “we are NOTHING more than friends. We will NEVER be anything more than friends. Friendship is the ONLY thing I am willing to provide you.” Yet, every once in a while, here he “cums,” offering penis and annoyance. Sigh.
At what age do men stop making unwanted, unsolicited, random sexual advances and innuendoes? When will men realize dick pics are anti-sexy? And, why do men offer their penis like it’s some sort of salvation? At 32, I’ve had quite a bit of sex. Some good, some bad, some memorable. Shoulder shrug. I enjoy sex. Sometimes I even crave it. However, I know happiness, wealth, good health, and success do not reside in anything that strange looking – circumcised or uncircumcised. I know once I have sex with a guy, our relationship has changed COMPLETELY and there’s no turning back. Until we are capable as human beings to take back a fuck, sex is unreturnable and unforgettable. Sex has the worse return policy ever – no returns, all sales final. Yet, folks treat it like buying a pack of Juicy Fruit at CVS.
To be honest, sometimes eating a gluten-free pizza, with daiyo cheese, onions, and pineapples is more appealing than heavy breathing, belly flopping, and ear biting. Well, depending who it is. I just realized I turned myself on writing that, however, I’m not sure if it was the description of the pizza or the sex that did it. Eh. Why not both?
In Dookie’s ideal world, there would be no homonym for the word “come.” Before sex was had, both parties would be completely honest of their intentions. They would discuss whether it was a one-time event (I’ve been a one-night stand and didn’t realize it until 4 days later – still slightly angry about that), or if this sex was a physical manifestation of emotions. Ground rules, such as striking the use of the words “cock,” “twat,” and “daddy,” would be clearly laid out on the table. The woman would point out which holes were acceptable to use. In the event this encounter went from dress rehearsal to main event, i.e. she got pregnant, how would that be handled. Both parties would also have to bring their test results, dated no earlier than a month prior.
I know, that sounds extremely mechanical and takes the fun and spontaneity out of sex. However, it ensures both parties are interested. Haphazard, I-Ain’t-Doing-Anything-Else-So-Might-As-Well-Fuck-This-Dude Sex has to be the absolute worse for both people! And why would anyone want to have sex with someone who feels “eh” about them? Question I asked myself regarding Mr. “Cum Make Me.”
Bottom Line: If you’re the aggressor and have to use slick innuendo to determine if she/he wants to have sex with you, they don’t. Sit your ass down, accept your role in their life, or leave.